In artistic depictions of the human race, we always root for the heroes. The brave ones who stand up against injustice, who raise their hand to voice their discontent, the ones who risk their lives to do what they (and us, the spectators) believe is right. In movies, the good guys usually win and giving up one’s job is rewarded with a better one; and dumping a no-good boyfriend results in finding Prince Charming. In real life, we stand by the old adage: don’t do what I do, do as I say. Giving great advice is easy. Taking it yourself isn’t.
A friend of mine, great at their job, a nice person overall, reasonably young, was struggling at work. Their boss was a source of unending chaos, their team members quitting left and right, and my colleague left to fend for themselves with work piling up on their virtual desk – both meaningful and pointless work.
– She’s bombarding me with these irrelevant details and tasks she wants done yesterday. I can’t take it anymore! Doesn’t she realize I’ve got a billion other things that are more important?
– Did you say that to them?
– Well, no. I don’t want to burn any bridges.
– It’s not burning bridges if you stand up for yourself and explain, in a professional manner, that you’ve got a to-do list the length of the Amazon and you can’t split to execute whatever she’s asking you to right now. And if she deems her stuff more important, ask her which items to take off your list.
I was frustrated at this conversation because I had been in it myself, too, several times. My own experience has been that bosses often do not understand the workload that an overburdened team member has and cannot make any real difference to it. I’ve also met managers who do very little themselves yet expect every one of their requests to be attended to instantaneously.
But I was also frustrated that my friend didn’t heed my advice. I knew I was right. Perhaps not in how to handle their manager for I didn’t know her, perhaps their situation would’ve gotten worse. But I knew I was right to remind them of their worth and to stand up for themselves. I regret every single time that I didn’t do so with myself.
Pick Your Battles
“Have you talked about this with your boss?” A common first question you get when you express any difficulties with your line manager to an outsider. Granted, many people will simply sulk and moan to their friends instead of brining things up with the person who can actually make a difference. But there’s also instances where you’ve spoken clearly and consistently of a matter with your boss, with no change coming forth.
No job is perfect, for anyone. No one’s boss likes every aspect of their role, even if as their team member you assume them to be better paid and thus more satisfied. Searching for perfection is futile, and you need to pick your battles. What’s a source of annoyance you can live with, and what’s an issue you cannot overlook? I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this. When I was younger, I was much more black-and-white in my approach to work (and life, overall). Either you love your job or you hate it; you either give your 100% every day or you might as well quit. I’m still on the lookout for a thoroughly fulfilling full-time occupation that pays the bills, but if during that quest I on occasion don’t give my all to my job, I no longer consider myself a failure, or worse still, a bad employee.
I think I’ve found my line in the sand for when it comes to picking my battles at work. Be consistent: insist and question on the topics where you truly want to grow and have an impact in; let slide those things that don’t really drive and fascinate you. Be persistent: don’t give up at the first no, don’t give up at the first sight of unknown complications. Set yourself a goal: what do you want to achieve by taking on this challenge or project? If nothing, just do what’s required and conserve your energy for something that actually interests you.
One former colleague gave me great advice. She told me her boss kept asking her to do tasks on a whim, with no connection to her ongoing work. She would pull up her to-do list, organized by priority, and ask her boss to tell her which items to deprioritize. Her boss stopped asking her for quick favours after that, without shunning her for a ‘bad’ attitude.
Thoughts from Under the Bus
At the workplace it can be difficult to enact heroes from the big screen. You’ll always fear for your job, even if you know that coming to someone’s defence when they’re being mistreated is what a hero (read: any decent human being) would do. You’ll worry you’ll lose out on promotions, that you’ll be tasked with the most menial or unrewarding tasks, that sooner or later you’ll find yourself facing a stern talking-to from someone in HR about your shortcomings and ‘difficult’ personality. It’s natural to look out for Number One. I’m not advocating for running off a cliff in solidarity if you see a colleague being pushed off one. But I wonder if taking a step forward to defend a colleague who you know hasn’t actually done anything wrong, or at least nothing terribly wrong, isn’t the brave decision that will be rewarded with something better down the line.
There’s one time when I was thrown under the bus. It was early days in my career. I was presenting a plan to the most senior leaders of the company. The most senior of them stopped me after ten seconds. “Why are we still talking about this in this way? I already said I don’t want to see this.” The room fell quiet. I began explaining the reasoning, but he wasn’t having it. I then asked if the alternative plan XYZ was better. He nodded. I promised to deliver it to him by that same afternoon, and I did, and he was pleased with it. In the evening, he sent me a message apologizing for his tone.
I wasn’t hurt by him. To this day, I think of him as one of the greatest leaders I’ve ever seen in action. He did what was his job: he held me accountable, and he said it like it was to my face.
Who I was hurt by were the two people who had convinced me to discard my idea (the one that was eventually used), and instead do as they told me. “We’re more experienced than you are,” they said, with their total 40 years of experience. But when I presented their ‘experienced’ plan and got shot down in front of my boss and a handful of my colleagues, they said nothing. Even after I tried to explain the reasoning of the plan, they didn’t come to my side. The following day, I happened at the canteen with one of these people. “What magic wand did you wave there? It was such a great and quick turnaround!”
If I sound bitter…I’m not. I think I proved myself that day, most of all to myself. I’m grateful for the experience as I now know exactly how it feels when no one comes to your rescue, when no one even tries to help you out. If I see a colleague get a bad rap and I have some insight into their positive effort, I will voice that.
Have you stood up for yourself at work when you felt unjustly treated or that your boss didn’t understand your workload? What happened?
Sidetracked 
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